Confusion and Depression
by neki31415
Summary: After a year of being afflicted with a deadly disease, Misaki dies in the hospital while Usagi sits by his deathbed and talks with him. When Misaki dies, Usagi is left to grieve alone, until he finds some letters in a small notebook that Misaki wrote to his brother, Takahiro. Usagi reads through all of the beautiful things Misaki experienced while living with Usagi.


Misaki''s breath staggered as pain spread throughout his body. Usagi was sitting beside him, holding his hand. He felt completely useless at a time like this, only able to comfort him. Misaki flinched as some of the pain hit his head like a piano falling on top of him from above.

"Usagi-san," Misaki gasped, his brain going fuzzy from the large impact of the pain. Tears were falling down his cheeks, his eyes tightly shut.

"Do you need something, Misaki?" Usagi stood up quickly, his hands still held tight to Misaki's. Misaki's hand tightened, quickly loosening again.

"Usagi-san," he repeated again. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here," Usagi said quickly, holding back tears. "I'm still here."

"Talk to me," Misaki gasped. "I can't feel you here anymore," he said. Although Usagi tightened his grip on Misaki's hand, it was apparent that Misaki couldn't feel it there.

"I love you, Misaki," Usagi sighed, leaning over and kissing his cheek softly.

"Why?" Misaki asked, tears falling faster than before. These tears weren't just pain anymore, but sadness. "Why would you love me of all people? I'm just a brat that isn't special in any way." The heart monitor that had been beeping beside Misaki's bed started beeping slightly faster than before.

"Misaki, calm down," Usagi whispered.

"Why would someone like you love someone like me?" Misaki gasped. The monitor beeped faster and faster.

"Misaki, please just breath," Usagi begged. Misaki inhaled sharply, his body jolting with the pain that came from breathing.

"It hurts," he whined, his voice shaking.

"Do you need me to get a doctor?" Usagi asked, standing up for a moment.

"Don't leave me," Misaki muttered, his eyes opening into a tight squint. His eyes were filled with tears, his unbearable pain showing through them. "Please, stay here. I don't want the last thing I see is someone I love leaving me."

Usagi's eyes were on the brink of tears.

"You are not going to die, you understand me?" Usagi yelled. "I will not allow it!"

"Why do you love me?" Misaki repeated the past question.

"Because you are the most amazing man I've ever met," Usagi answered.

"That's not a good answer," Misaki gasped out a laugh.

"You are cute and kind and sensitive. When I do something stupid, you aren't afraid to yell at me, call me 'stupid Usagi' or 'idiot Usagi' because of it," Usagi laughed. A few tears slipped down his cheeks. "You can't die, Misaki."

"I love you," Misaki sobbed, his entire body turning as a swift jolt of pain hit his entire side of the body that he was laying on. That entire side went numb and it became harder and harder to breath. His stomach started to gurgle.

Usagi was stunned by the confession. It wasn't anticipated.

"Usagi-san, I fell in love with you a long time ago," he gasped, the monitor beeping rapidly. Usagi gasped, standing up quickly, Misaki's hand loosening completely.

"Misaki!" Usagi screamed, running to the door. Before he could make it out the door, he heard a few things.

First- a final message from Misaki.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you enough. You are the most important person in my life," Misaki whispered.

And the last thing that Usagi heard before bolting towards a doctor was the flatline from the heart monitor.

When Usagi came back with several doctors and nurses, they quickly went to CPR and a defibrillator. They didn't allow Usagi into the room again. After about a half an hour of frantic yelling inside of Misaki's room, a doctor walked out of the room, a grim look on his face.

"I hate to be the one to break this news," the doctor sighed. "I'm sorry for your loss, sir."

Usagi stared at the doctor, feeling as though his entire world had just fallen apart. He had to fight back any more tears as he ran through those two sentences that the doctor had said in his mind.

"Misaki can't be dead," Usagi thought, shaking his head slightly. "I can't believe that. I don't believe that he died. I said he couldn't die, didn't I?"

"There was no way that he could've made it through the night," the doctor continued, his eyes on the ground. "His body was slowly shutting itself down. But I'm sure that he was happy to be with you before he passed."

"Thank you," Usagi whispered, his body feeling dizzy.

"Would you like to call someone to take you home?" he asked, patting Usagi's shoulder.

"Who would I call?" Usagi asked himself, unable to think of anyone other than his dear Misaki.

"A friend or family member, I'd think," the doctor answered.

Usagi tried to walk but just fell down because of how shaky his legs were.

"Sir, are you alright?" the doctor asked, touching Usagi's shoulder softly.

"Is he really…" Usagi gasped, breathing quickly, in a complete panic. "He wouldn't… he couldn't do that to me."

"Greg, go get the boy's emergency contact on the phone and see if they can take this man home," the doctor yelled to one of his coworkers before kneeling down beside Usagi.

"What kind of relationship did you have this boy?" the doctor asked calmly.

"He's been my roommate for ages," Usagi answered softly.

"I see," the doctor nodded. "Is that really the only relationship you had? With the fact that he begged for you to be with him and that you stayed with him all night, I would've thought you were close relatives."

"We were in love," Usagi added quieter than before. The doctor nodded slowly, then walked away. "Valid reaction," Usagi thought to himself.

Takahiro came to pick up Usagi. He noticed just how terrible Usagi looked and tried to cheer him up.

"Hey, Usagi, I guess you get your house all to yourself again, huh? I'm sure that Misaki was starting to be a bother by now, right?"

"He wasn't at all. It was the opposite," Usagi grunted softly.

"Well, at least now he can be in peace. I'm sure that he was in a lot of pain lately," Takahiro sighed.

"He was," Usagi nodded.

"Did you get to visit him during visiting hours today?" Takahiro asked. "I didn't see you there."

"I was with him most of the day. I left when you were coming and came back when you left," Usagi mumbled.

"Wait, why were you there this late?" he asked.

"I was talking with him," Usagi grunted. "He didn't want to be alone and so he asked for me."

"I see."

Usagi got back home and Takahiro left, leaving him alone in a now lonely house.

"And this is how it'll stay from now on, huh?" Usagi thought to himself. He couldn't even make it to his couch before he collapsed and sobbed.


End file.
